Something that has become increasingly apparent in the recent months and something that I never thought I'd say about myself is that I lack self-confidence. It isn't something that plagues me all the time but when it does, it's crushing. I consider myself a confident person. I am unafraid to speak up or offer my opinion, but when it comes to my career...yeesh, I need some help.
I first realized this fault a few months ago when I knew that it was time to move on from my job in retail. I began scouring the internet for job postings related to my degree. It didn't take me long to realize that I didn't feel qualified for many of the positions that wanted someone with my type of degree. It was then that the threads of self-doubt began to wrap themselves around me. I went to what most people would call "a good school". I certainly paid for "a good education", however, I wouldn't say that a good education is what came of it all.
I wasn't the best student and I regret that. I had decent grades, but I could've put so much more into my classes. I started realizing my own fault when I started looking for a career, wondering if I would have a clearer direction if I had given more to my classes or chosen a different major. This insecurity, this doubt in my own abilities, makes searching for a job difficult. I can send my resumes in to as many people as I want and for as high a position as I could imagine, but always with the fear that I will be hired (or won't be hired) and that I won't be able to perform to their expectations.
I accepted a mediocre job yesterday. Today, I am calling to rescind my acceptance. Its not the best I can do. I could possibly, and even probably, be successful at it, but if I think through the situation with confidence, it isn't where I need to be. It doesn't provide the security that I need, in fact, the few possible pros don't even come close to outweighing the potentially devastating cons.
I want to procede in my job search with confidence. I need to. I want to get out of the Midwest after this year is over, and I want a career that will propel me in that direction. All I need is the confidence to get that job.