In the movie version of the musical Rent, the character of Mimi sings one of my favorite few lines:
The heart may freeze
Or it can burn
The pain will ease
If I can learn
There is no future
There is no past
I live each moment
As my last
There's only us
There's only this
Forget regret
Or life is yours to miss
I relate to this because I try my best to live without regret. Not that I never do anything wrong, oh no, I make wrong decisions, I hurt people's feelings, I spend unwisely. Most of the time, I realize my fault and try to make it better. I make an honest effort. It doesn't always, or even usually, turn things back to the way they used to be, but I have to let them go.
I have to forgive myself every day.
So, when thinking back, I don't feel like there's anything in particular that I still need to forgive myself for. Everything that I've done in the past has made me who I am today. I can't change things that happened even a second ago, so why waste energy dwelling on the wrong that may have come from them? Prolonged regret is a useless feeling. Learning from the lessons of a negative experience will do much more to shape you into a healthy and wise individual than sitting on your couch with a box of Kleenex's feeling sorry about what you could've, should've, or would've done.
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