Dear B&B,
I'm writing this letter to both of you because neither of you could have caused me the trouble you did without the other's help. B, I've known nearly as long as I can remember. When I was a kid, you were cool. You were a leader. You got to do all of the things I thought I wanted to do. As I grew up, I realized that I didn't want to be just like you (you were nerdy), but I still respected and liked you. You were an installment piece to my summers. You had cute brothers.
One day, as a pleasant surprise, be became a youth leader at my parent's church. My dad was one of your biggest fans. I was cool with you being there, heck, even as a nerd, you were still under 30 and the youth group needed that. You were gone for a few weeks and came back with B. No one had really known you'd been engaged, but we were happy for you. She was quiet. I didn't know what to think of her. They said she was an artist, too. People thought this was a great opportunity for someone to relate to the high school me.
Hi, other B, I'll be talking to you too now.
We got close. I almost liked going to church. B, you never became un-quiet, but I worked with it. I felt cared for. I didn't have to be forced to go to church events because I knew you tried to make me feel welcome, even though I didn't really care for the other teens. I hit a high point in my religious journey, if you will, under your guidance. I began dating a guy that you'd been mentoring. People thought that maybe I'd turn out alright after all.
What you didn't know was that I corrupt the boys I date. Not intentionally, of course. I don't go into a relationship with the malicious intent of ruining their moral convictions. My body does it for me, I guess. I got tired of him. You didn't know that I also get tired of them, did you? I think a lot of people, including him, thought that it was meant to be. I didn't. I got tired of all of his self-righteousness and his Bible thumping. I got tired of letting a Hobbit touch me. You didn't know he did that. Not until he told you anyways. Of course, it was my fault, even though I was the one who broke it off. In his heartbrokenness, he turned to you. It was understandable, really. I was the first girl who'd given him the time of day. I came out of his grief looking like the bad guy. I heard your counsel in every word he spoke to me, and he spoke to me more than I'd have liked. He couldn't accept that it was over. Did you do this?
When I got sick of his harassing, you told me I was unkind and far from God. That, B&B, is not for you to judge. You singled me out. You didn't hear my side of the story. You coddled him when you should've known he had enough of that. I wanted far less to do with God after your example betrayed me. It's been a long journey back to finding my faith. It doesn't look like it used to, but I like it better.
I now know that it's the quiet ones you have to watch out for. Thanks. What is that part in the Bible about being wary of wolves in sheep's clothing? I bet they had you and all those false prophets in mind when they wrote that.
Sincerly,
The Redhead.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Day 13: A Band or Artist That Has Gotten You Through Some Tough Days
I've honestly got nothing on this one.
I listened to Linkin Park a lot in high school because could relate to their lyrics, but I wouldn't say they helped get me through anything. If anything they helped solidify my dark feelings.
As much as I like music and art, when things are tough, I find yoga or a warm shower to be more helpful.
Boring blog day.
I listened to Linkin Park a lot in high school because could relate to their lyrics, but I wouldn't say they helped get me through anything. If anything they helped solidify my dark feelings.
As much as I like music and art, when things are tough, I find yoga or a warm shower to be more helpful.
Boring blog day.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Day 12: Something You Never Get Compliments For
I am a sort-of vegetarian. I don't eat mammals. I had to expand from "no red meat" to "no mammals" since pork is technically "the other white meat" but is still a mammal that I have no interest in eating. I began limiting my diet back in high school. I gradually cut back on meats, even trying full vegetarianism. Due somewhat to parental protests, I agreed to keep eating chicken and other poultry and seafood.
I can't remember anyone complimenting me on my choice to not eat mammals. The closest thing to a compliment has come from others who limit their meat intake, and even some of those don't understand why I only eliminate mammals from my diet. I used to try to explain it to nearly everyone who sneered at my choice or told me it was weird. I've stopped doing that, for the most part, unless I sense they are truly curious and not just critical because they'd eaten six burgers that day.
I do it partially for humane reasons. It doesn't take much searching to uncover the cruelties commonly forced on animals bred for slaughter. Electric prods, unnaturally altered diets, confined living quarters: it's all so unnatural. Do I love my burger enough to put another living being through unnecessary pain and growth hormones? No. I'd also like to add that, although I will still eat poultry or fish, I do my best to find hormone-free, free range, non-farm raised, etc. I'm lucky to live in Ohio in this respect, the Amish raise some darn tasty natural chicken.
The other part of my reasoning is health related. Red meat just isn't that good for you. People with high cholesterol and other diseases are instructed to cut it out of their diets. The chemicals used to treat meats practically carcinogenic. People who don't eat red meat live an average of two years longer than their carnivorous counterparts. Not to mention digestion. The human body is not designed to digest red meat. It gets to your intestines, sits there, and rots until it can be processed. Yum? I'm out to have the flattest, leanest belly that I can, and having food sitting in my intestines for long periods of time doesn't sound like a great contributor to that cause. It is high in protein, so I have to find that elsewhere, but the fat content is worth the trade.
Not to mention the quality of commercially prepared meat products. Taco Bell faced a class-action lawsuit over their "ground beef product" which claimed that what they were selling as beef contained less than the USDA standard of 40% meat. The lawsuit was later dropped, but it brought to my attention that the government required something to be only 40% meat in order to be marketed as "meat." I don't know about you, but I'd like to know what I'm eating and you can bet that there are some gray areas in that other 60% that may or may not be good for a human body in the long run.
Long story short, I think I have pretty good cause for not eating mammals. "Because it tastes good" isn't cause enough for me to ignore all the evidence again red meat, particularly. I don't try to convert anyone to my way of eating, nor do I expect people to abstain from burgers around me. I just choose not to eat them. I don't talk about it unless asked.
I can't remember anyone complimenting me on my choice to not eat mammals. The closest thing to a compliment has come from others who limit their meat intake, and even some of those don't understand why I only eliminate mammals from my diet. I used to try to explain it to nearly everyone who sneered at my choice or told me it was weird. I've stopped doing that, for the most part, unless I sense they are truly curious and not just critical because they'd eaten six burgers that day.
I do it partially for humane reasons. It doesn't take much searching to uncover the cruelties commonly forced on animals bred for slaughter. Electric prods, unnaturally altered diets, confined living quarters: it's all so unnatural. Do I love my burger enough to put another living being through unnecessary pain and growth hormones? No. I'd also like to add that, although I will still eat poultry or fish, I do my best to find hormone-free, free range, non-farm raised, etc. I'm lucky to live in Ohio in this respect, the Amish raise some darn tasty natural chicken.
The other part of my reasoning is health related. Red meat just isn't that good for you. People with high cholesterol and other diseases are instructed to cut it out of their diets. The chemicals used to treat meats practically carcinogenic. People who don't eat red meat live an average of two years longer than their carnivorous counterparts. Not to mention digestion. The human body is not designed to digest red meat. It gets to your intestines, sits there, and rots until it can be processed. Yum? I'm out to have the flattest, leanest belly that I can, and having food sitting in my intestines for long periods of time doesn't sound like a great contributor to that cause. It is high in protein, so I have to find that elsewhere, but the fat content is worth the trade.
Not to mention the quality of commercially prepared meat products. Taco Bell faced a class-action lawsuit over their "ground beef product" which claimed that what they were selling as beef contained less than the USDA standard of 40% meat. The lawsuit was later dropped, but it brought to my attention that the government required something to be only 40% meat in order to be marketed as "meat." I don't know about you, but I'd like to know what I'm eating and you can bet that there are some gray areas in that other 60% that may or may not be good for a human body in the long run.
Long story short, I think I have pretty good cause for not eating mammals. "Because it tastes good" isn't cause enough for me to ignore all the evidence again red meat, particularly. I don't try to convert anyone to my way of eating, nor do I expect people to abstain from burgers around me. I just choose not to eat them. I don't talk about it unless asked.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
House Guests
Happy Easter.
My parents are driving me insane.
As much as I love them, we do better on the phone. I realized this shortly after moving out. It was as if a lightbulb went off in my mind. "Hey, we actually get along pretty well and I kinda even like talking to them when we're not in the same room." Perhaps its awful, but we're so different that when we're together, someone is always either bored, frustrated, annoyed, or annoying.
Although I asked them what they wanted to do while they were here multiple times before their arrival this past Thursday, I always got the answer that they'd figure it out once they got here. Great. Worst possible response ever. There were NO PLANS. Yet, when we found ourselves sitting in the car, ready to go somewhere, there had been no decision made as to what to do and people start getting pissed. No one brought directions or addresses to any of the options, so we guessed on a location and relied on the GPS. My dad hates his GPS. He says he doesn't, but I'm pretty sure that's just because we got it for him for Christmas and he doesn't want to hurt our feelings. I think it probably hurts my mom's feelings when he gets annoyed and rips it out of her hands, but I'm sure it was a good gift.
I'm not a big holiday person. I even started to dislike Christmas a few years back, because holidays are when I saw my family and that almost always puts me in a bad mood. There are plans that get changed at the last minute and schedules to be stuck to, and when things don't go exactly as planned, or as he wanted, my dad gets quite cranky. My mom also has a tendency to be late and do things at the very last minute, so I'm sure you can imagine how that turns out. She says he comes up with expectations about how things will be and gets upset when they don't work out that way, even though he won't voice those expectations. It feels impossible to please him.
My parents are staying until next Sunday. 10 days. I'm sure my discomfort with their presence is already driving The Writer crazy. They're on their best behavior around him, but they still bring out the worst in me. As I mentioned, they've made no concrete plans as to what they're going to do while they're here. I think they're looking to me. They want to help me pack for my move on Saturday, but packing is a highly personal thing to me and I don't like the idea of my parents poking through my things. They're highly conservative to my moderately liberal and we have increasingly different interests. I came upstairs to write just now because my dad began playing his new Christian CD (which sounds just like all the others, in my mind) at a volume which made it impossible for me to concentrate on May's Vogue that I was trying to read. It clearly did not interfere with his ability to concentrate on his devotional book. I have my faith, yes, but I also have other interests. I see religion as nearly all-encompassing in my dad's life.
The need to occupy them leaves me with little alone time. Forget alone time with The Writer. I need both for my sanity, which I feel that I am losing at a rapid pace this week. I don't have time off from work this week and there are still a ton of things to be done for the move. I doubt they want to be dragged along on my errands, but I feel bad leaving them sitting at home, trying to learn to use the cable (they've never had it) even though there isn't much they'd want to watch on there anyway (too worldly).
I know I probably come across as ungrateful for their willingness to help. I feel bad about that. I don't know what to have them do though. They didn't ask if this was a good week to visit, although it was the one my mom had off from work. I think I could enjoy them if there wasn't anything to do. I felt this way last year when they came out for my graduation. There were schedules to be kept and events to attend, therefore, there was tension.
I wish we could just call each other.
My parents are driving me insane.
As much as I love them, we do better on the phone. I realized this shortly after moving out. It was as if a lightbulb went off in my mind. "Hey, we actually get along pretty well and I kinda even like talking to them when we're not in the same room." Perhaps its awful, but we're so different that when we're together, someone is always either bored, frustrated, annoyed, or annoying.
Although I asked them what they wanted to do while they were here multiple times before their arrival this past Thursday, I always got the answer that they'd figure it out once they got here. Great. Worst possible response ever. There were NO PLANS. Yet, when we found ourselves sitting in the car, ready to go somewhere, there had been no decision made as to what to do and people start getting pissed. No one brought directions or addresses to any of the options, so we guessed on a location and relied on the GPS. My dad hates his GPS. He says he doesn't, but I'm pretty sure that's just because we got it for him for Christmas and he doesn't want to hurt our feelings. I think it probably hurts my mom's feelings when he gets annoyed and rips it out of her hands, but I'm sure it was a good gift.
I'm not a big holiday person. I even started to dislike Christmas a few years back, because holidays are when I saw my family and that almost always puts me in a bad mood. There are plans that get changed at the last minute and schedules to be stuck to, and when things don't go exactly as planned, or as he wanted, my dad gets quite cranky. My mom also has a tendency to be late and do things at the very last minute, so I'm sure you can imagine how that turns out. She says he comes up with expectations about how things will be and gets upset when they don't work out that way, even though he won't voice those expectations. It feels impossible to please him.
My parents are staying until next Sunday. 10 days. I'm sure my discomfort with their presence is already driving The Writer crazy. They're on their best behavior around him, but they still bring out the worst in me. As I mentioned, they've made no concrete plans as to what they're going to do while they're here. I think they're looking to me. They want to help me pack for my move on Saturday, but packing is a highly personal thing to me and I don't like the idea of my parents poking through my things. They're highly conservative to my moderately liberal and we have increasingly different interests. I came upstairs to write just now because my dad began playing his new Christian CD (which sounds just like all the others, in my mind) at a volume which made it impossible for me to concentrate on May's Vogue that I was trying to read. It clearly did not interfere with his ability to concentrate on his devotional book. I have my faith, yes, but I also have other interests. I see religion as nearly all-encompassing in my dad's life.
The need to occupy them leaves me with little alone time. Forget alone time with The Writer. I need both for my sanity, which I feel that I am losing at a rapid pace this week. I don't have time off from work this week and there are still a ton of things to be done for the move. I doubt they want to be dragged along on my errands, but I feel bad leaving them sitting at home, trying to learn to use the cable (they've never had it) even though there isn't much they'd want to watch on there anyway (too worldly).
I know I probably come across as ungrateful for their willingness to help. I feel bad about that. I don't know what to have them do though. They didn't ask if this was a good week to visit, although it was the one my mom had off from work. I think I could enjoy them if there wasn't anything to do. I felt this way last year when they came out for my graduation. There were schedules to be kept and events to attend, therefore, there was tension.
I wish we could just call each other.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Fits of Giggles
"Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly."
- Rose Franken, writer
I included this quote in a photo memory book that I put together for The Writer for our first anniversary. I Stumbled Upon it one day and it immediately thought of him. One of my absolute favorite things about him is that he can make me laugh. He's so silly and outrageous sometimes that I just can't help myself!
Yesterday we both had a long lunch break and were just lounging around. He thought it would be funny to lean over an blow a raspberry on my arm. I freaked out a little, then started laughing. He naturally thought his next best plan would be to try to blow raspberries ALL OVER ME! I don't think I've laughed that hard or that long EVER!
I love him.
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